My Angel

Most of you don’t know what’s been going on medically with us since we lost our baby a few weeks ago. Here’s a very simplified, summarized update of the past two weeks.

A few days after we lost the baby, test results from the amnio came back and indicated that there was a possibility that the fatal disorder our baby had was caused by a genetic disorder. The doctors were optimistic that, with more testing, they could prove otherwise. And prove that it was a spontaneous occurrence with very little chances of happening again. So, Jimmy and I had blood work done. We waited and waited for the results. And, on Monday afternoon, we received the call. Our baby’s fatal Trisomy WAS caused by a genetic disorder. I am a balanced carrier of a genetic problem. There's no evidence of the problem in me (because it’s balanced), but the chances of us having a healthy baby are low because it's very likely that I will pass on an unbalanced version of this chromosome. In a nutshell, we have a 33% chance of conceiving a healthy baby. And a 66% chance that the baby will not make it through the pregnancy. With this type of genetic disorder, the baby will either be completely healthy, or not survive birth.

We DO want to have another baby though, so we'll start trying when we're physically and emotionally ready. It's going to be very scary to know, as we go into pregnancy, that we have such a huge chance of losing a little one again, and again, and again. But, we'll keep trying. If we can handle it. We will keep in mind that a healthy baby is possible. And Taylor is proof of that. So, please keep us in your prayers as we try to emotionally overcome this latest obstacle in the healing process. And as we move forward with our lives.

Now, onto this morning. On my way to work, I was involved in a bad accident. It was a six car pile-up. I was very very lucky though. I was the only one to walk away with no injuries. And the only one that didn't total my car. It was very scary. Two children and one baby were also involved in the accident. It was horrible. So, now I'm dealing with whiplash or whatever this pain in my neck is.

Most importantly though, in all of these obstacles and scary moments, I know for a fact that God is watching over me. He gave me Taylor before we dealt with the grief of discovering our genetic problem and the heartache of losing a child. I am confident that He gave me a wonderful angel to sit on my shoulder after the loss. An angel that has been comforting me through this healing process. An angel that allowed me to drop off Taylor at daycare before the accident. An angel that carried me safely through the horrible collision. I can only believe that this angel, is our little boy. Protecting me from harm, sitting on my shoulder, whispering in my ear, patting me on the back and giving me lots of hugs as I continue through each day. And that comforts me. Thank God for our little angel.