The David that Dared

Taylor and I arrive at daycare this morning. As soon as we walk into her classroom, the teacher looks at me and immediately says:
“I have to tell you that Taylor has a new bow.”
“Oh yeah?” I say, thinking, we’ll just add it to the collection of hair bows that she never wears. No big deal. I wonder where she found it. I wonder if it’s dirty.
“Yeah. His name is David,” she says, at which point I realize that this ‘bow’ is not a hair accessory. It is a ‘beau’. As in boyfriend.
She continues, “We found them on the playground yesterday. Kissing.”
::GASP:: “WHAT?” I say as I pick my jaw up off of the multi-colored floor.
“They were KISSING?!” I ask to make sure I heard her right.
“YEP,” says the teacher with a big grin.
::Taylor struts confidently across the room and sits in a chair next to a few boys for breakfast::
“Look at her! She’s proud!” exclaims another parent that has now tuned into the conversation.
“Oh. My. Gosh. Really? Taylor! Oh my gosh. WOW,” I say, trying to get the visual out of my head.
I look down at Tyler (Taylor’s current boyfriend) and apologize for her infidelity. I wave goodbye to Tay, and I leave the room.

I get into the car and promptly call Jimmy.
“Jimmy. I have to tell you something,” I say.
“What” he responds reluctantly.
“Taylor was found kissing a boy on the playground. And it wasn’t Tyler,” I explain (as if it would be OK if it was Tyler that she was kissing).
::3 MINUTES OF SILENCE::
I pull the phone away from my ear to see if the call is still connected. It is.
“Jimmy? You there?” I ask.
“OF COURSE I’M HERE” he responds.
“Oh, come on. What are you going to do?” I say between laughs.
“I’m going to PUT THE FEAR OF GOD IN THAT TODDLER. That’s what I’m going to do.”

There you have it, David. Father Turtle is upset. No one kisses his Tater Tot. NO ONE. Plus, you're TWO. That's at least 19 years too early to be courting our baby. Call us when you're 21. (And, yes, you will be calling US because there WILL be an application process, an interrogation, and reference checks.) Until then, keep your tiny toddler paws to yourself on the playground.