Storm the Heavens

I don't have any new pictures to share. The past couple days have been crazy, and I have not had the time or energy to grab my camera. Doesn't mean that Tay isn't as silly and adorable as usual, I just haven't caught it on film. I'll try to capture some moments soon though.

For now, I need your help. I need prayers. For a miracle. Because I do not have the words to explain where my heart and head are at, I am relying on a blog friend to describe it all for you. She is experiencing similar emotions. I am paraphrasing her thoughts below, as they relate to me. I apologize for my lack of writing creativity, but, again, no energy. Not to mention an all-too-often feeling of overwhelming chaos in my mind and heart.

Here goes.

God answers prayers. Just not always in the way or in the time frame we want. God answers prayers, but the outcome we hope for, and beseech God for, is not always the outcome God has in mind.

God hears our prayers. But God still does what He, in His sovereignty, is going to do. He listens to our prayers, hears us each and every time we speak to Him, think to Him, or even groan to Him. God is affected by our prayers and He wants us to pray.

But God is still God and our prayers do not change God or His mind, at least not in the way we sometimes think. He knew we were going to pray before we ever prayed. He knows the past, present and future all at once. He listens to our prayers, but our prayers don't change things. God changes things.

Yet nothing changes for God, per se. If God changes His mind, because of our fervent prayers, it will be something that God already knew would happen. He knew we'd pray. He knows if I'll have another healthy baby, or not. We still should pray, still need to pray, but God knows what He is going to do already. And, even if we do storm Heaven on my behalf, God still may choose to hold back on blessing us with another healthy baby for just a little while longer. It is our job to communicate with God, to love Him, and, ultimately, to trust that whatever He decides is best.

Did you know that prayer can sometimes do amazing things for the one who is praying, too?! Prayer is talking with God. We are to talk to God. If we love Him, and have a relationship with God, we will want to chat with Him, and tell Him how wonderful He is, and beseech Him with our requests.

And, in the end, God will do what God alone wants to do.

These can be hard thoughts to swallow, and even more difficult concepts to understand fully. And it gives me peace that I cannot fully understand God, or how prayer actually works, or what His will really is.

All I need to do is to know God. That is enough for me.

See, God is GOD. His ways are higher than mine. I am human, mortal, made of mere flesh and blood. Sure, I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me, and a very capable brain, but I am still made right now for this earth. It is impossible, literally actually honestly impossible, for me to ever (while still treading this earth that is not my ultimate home), understand God in the same way that I can understand a mathematical equation.

I believe that my course has not altered. This new situation with my genes is not new for God. He knew this and had this path set in motion for me. Nothing is altered in His book, although to us it can seem like things with me are off course.

But God is not taken by surprise that I am having troubles creating a healthy baby.

God didn't try to give me the scientifically-ideal genetic make-up when I was born, and then say "Whoops, I messed up."

All of this was planned. But that doesn't mean that we shouldn't keep praying. That also doesn't mean that we might not want to rethink what a miracle really is. It's worth rethinking our concept of miracles performed by God. It's worth considering the idea that even the death of Poppy was a miracle. And the chance of having another healthy baby like Taylor would be a miracle too.

So, please pray. Please pray for a miracle for me. I know that He hears us. Let's storm the Heavens, get on our faces, and pray. Miracles DO happen. He makes them happen. We just have to ask. Thanks and love to you all.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20, 21